All There Was To Offer
by marcasite
Summary: She’s just not sure what the next move should be. House/Cameron, Chase/Cameron


_For the **with meaning** ficathon. I owe Kara flowers for her last minute beta! Thank you._

* * *

_Heaven bent to take my hand_

_And lead me through the fire_

_Be the long awaited answer_

_To a long and painful fight_

She wonders why it always seemed to rain on Thursdays.

Rain so hard you could see the slant as it worked its way down from the clouds and dropped to the ground with a distinct plop and ricochet. The rain was fast, furious in its intensity and silent in its rampage. Cameron thought it was simply a reflection of the day she had been having. She turned her face up to the sky through the windows of the building, hoping that the onslaught didn't signify anything more than what it was. Rain.

His voice came deep and low from behind her. "Do you ever wonder if you can change the past?"

Cameron turned and glanced at the doorway to the ER, before allowing her eyes to settle on his face. "I hope it stops raining soon, I forgot my umbrella. I left it in the car this morning, and now what's the point?

He looked at her, waiting for her to answer his question.

She stared back, sighing quietly "No. The past is what it is; I think it shapes us into what we are today." She waved her hand at him as if to help him understand her train of thought.

"Yes, but think of the possibilities," he sounded impatient. "You wouldn't have lost your husband…"

Cameron sighed, interrupting him, "And you wouldn't be any different, even if you could change what happened to your leg. I think you would stay the same as you are now. Nothing ever changes for you."

He laughed at her, contempt laced in every breath and it annoyed her.

She turned to leave, "I have patients and no more time for your kind of fun."

_Truth be told I've tried my best  
But somewhere along the way  
I got caught up in all there was to offer  
And the cost was so much more than I could bear_

Sighing softly as she stepped out of the warmth of the building, she took a moment to tug her coat around her; she wished she had thought to bring her umbrella in.

She didn't hear her name being called until she felt a soft tap on her shoulder. "Allison, you're soaked. Use this."

Chase stood there in the rain, umbrella extended towards her still not open. He ignored the rivulets of water as they coursed down his face.

Her laughter echoes around them as she reached up to touch his face. Despite his anger, and the hurt she knows she caused him, he still cares that much for her.

"Go back in, I'm already wet."

"We still need to talk, we have to have that conversation."

"I know." It's quiet and raw and she doesn't know if she's ready yet.

He leans closer to her quickly kisses her, "It's important."

She gives an imperceptive nod, "I know."

She's just not sure what the next move should be.

_We all begin with good intent  
Love was raw and young  
We believed that we could change ourselves  
The past could be undone_

She sees the pain in Chase's eyes but can't say anything that will change it. She tried to explain things to him, why she had been so angry, but the words kept coming out wrong. She knows that he feels betrayed but can't bring herself to lie. So she stays silent, wishing for him to understand.

There can be truth in lies and he knows it.

She watches the ceiling fan rotate and can't bring herself to ask him to come back to bed, he's angry and resentful, despite her reassurances _He deserves better, not to simply be a consolation prize. He deserves better. _

But she won't let them go, she needs him and wasn't sure when it became this way, when it became '_need_' and not simply a '_want_'.

Maybe he knows her better than she thinks he does.

_But we carry on our backs the burden  
Time always reveals  
the lonely light of morning  
the wound that would not heal  
it's the bitter taste of losing everything  
that I have held so dear._

"You're right."

She stared at him; slightly perplexed. "What are you talking about?"

House sighed, his voice mocking her, "I don't think I would change even if I could."

"What are you talking about?" Her voice was laced with frustration. "Where are you even going with this?"

He watches her, studies her reaction, "I wanted to let you know, in case."

Cameron looked at him, calculating her next words because she knows she shouldn't ask, "In case of what?"

But he's already moved away, smirk half formed on his voice.

_Heaven bent to take my hand  
nowhere left to turn  
I'm lost to those I thought were friends  
to everyone I know_

It rained the day they ended, another Thursday afternoon. She hates the irony in that.

He hadn't argued with her, simply asked for the best time to gather his belongings. She wondered if he could see the strains, the tiny little cracks. Somehow she knew it would end this way and she felt a little awkward that she had let things progress this far. Her intent had been real, had been true and she cared deeply for him.

But she could never make herself fall in love with him.

House had told her that it would end months ago, mocked their relationship and it was in spite of that statement that she tried so hard. Her inability to talk about House with Chase was just the beginning of the end.

At least she kept telling herself this.

_Oh they turned their heads embarrassed  
Pretend that they don't see  
But it's one missed step  
You'll slip before you know it  
And there doesn't seem a way to be redeemed_

She knew he was there in the room without even turning around. He moved silently and pulled alongside her frame, leaving her personal space intact. She turned to him and pointed out an X-Ray, "Does that look like a small fracture to you? There under the jaw?"

He barely glanced at the X-Ray, "Yup. What's this I hear about you and Chase?"

Cameron ignored him and continued to stare at the X-Ray in front of her.

"Because if you were thinking about…"

She turned back to him expectantly, "What? Us? You and I?" Laughter lurks in her eyes and at the corner of her mouth. "You're never going to change, and I can honestly say it doesn't matter. Isn't it part of how you play the game?"

She smiles to herself as she turns and walks away from him.

Pretending comes naturally to her now.

end


End file.
